instagram

it took a very long time for instagram to steal my heart

 partly this was due to only having a phone that i had to literally shake vigorously in to life to even send a text so picture taking was a no no, but the biggest reason for not joining was it just seemed like another *thing* to have to remember to update in an already full day of things...

how very very wrong i was...

as soon as i was able to upgrade to a phone that just about, on a good day,  understood that instagram existed i was in, albeit in a crap quality, slightly blurry picture quality kind of way but i was there snapping my way through my days and exploring the daily worlds of so many others - joy

its a funny old place instagram as there are so many different folk using it in different ways, this is why i guess i find it so interesting..

there are feeds that are full to the brim of scenes from beautiful family life, those that are using it as a selling platform, page after page of amazingly styled shots that leave you wondering how these supposedly normal folk have time to have such seemingly beautiful homes and then there are feeds like mine that show a random mixture of this and that, are a bit hit and miss...

 honest, often messy, more than often containing animals!

when news of us losing our farm tenancy here in the forest slapped me in the face it was instagram that i immediately turned away from.

i just could not look at people going about their beautiful lives whilst mine laid broken in so many pieces around my feet. my heart and head literally just could not take it.

part of me felt so selfish for thinking and feeling this as other peoples happiness normally makes my heart sing but right then, when my heart was swimming around by my feet, it was just best that i stepped away to wallow in sadness.

however over the last week or so the reason i am still able to get up each day 

{some days only just}  

is because of the support system that has slowly grown around me without me truly realising it, creeping in, taking my hand, whispering positive mantras, saying a prayer, sending daily facebook hugs..

all of you

all of you that are there when i lift the lid on my laptop each morning with a heavy heart

all of you that give time in your lives to wonder how i am

how amazingly beautiful is that?

so today i am planning to return to instagram, to continue taking quick snapshots of my days which i think will be good for me as we slowly approach the last month of our lives here

the last month where i will be surrounded by precious animals with my farmer boy by my side

i know it will be hard to look at these pictures after we separate and leave but maybe, and i am hoping, that in months, years to come i will be grateful that i did it

we shall see

so anyway this is me, over there, on instagram where my daily life goes on, where i hope to document the huge changes that i face over the next month and beyond...

plodding onwards

** a very wise, incredibly supportive and kind friend who has held me up and pushed me forward when i honestly believed i could do no more advised me to keep my dog fort around me..

she was right **